A Modern Woman's Guide to Today's Society

Don't let my boyfriend read this. No, just kidding. We're not engaged (though people have started treating us that way), though we regard it as a foregone conclusion. It's still a ways off, but hey, when your job lets you project to a happy day in the future, why not take advantage? I have a friend who has collected EVERY Martha Stewart Wedding magazine for many years. Men come and go, but the stack is growing, and when she finally gets set to marry, she'll be more than ready. Personally, I've felt too sheepish to dream about that sort of thing in any public way until pretty recently.

Since we all can empathize with the quest for a great dress, I'm only going to address that one facet of the wedding here. It's a thinking woman's dilemma, really. The rational side of me knows that spending a huge amount of money on a dress I'll only wear once is obscene, irresponsible, etc. But then my shrieking inner teen speaks up and demands to have the princess day I always dreamed about before I was a thinking woman.

Add to this the fact I've always had a vague-but-firm notion of what I would want in a wedding dress. That is, simple-to-no decorations, classic lines, no lace. Unfortunately, the translation of these combined requirements is "VERY EXPENSIVE." Think Vera Wang, Carolina Herrera, and other dresses worth more than my car. Leaving aside the possibly endless debate over why less costs more, I'll just say that I reasoned long ago that I'd just have one made.

It seemed like a simple solution, until someone said "You can't do that, because you won't see it on until it's finished! What if you go to try the finished dress on, and you don't like it? You're stuck!" Ever the pragmatist, I decided that I'd have to do a lot of pre- shopping to find out what styles I really liked.

Fortunately, the Internet grew up with women my age, and we all have lots of virtual options to make the quest easier. Here are some of the options I found after doing a WebFerret search for "wedding dresses."

Stop one: theknot.com. This site had lots of dresses--lots and lots. They let you select a few variables, but don't define them. Also, and this is a huge pet peeve of mine, you can select price ranges that don't actually involve PRICES--only dollar $igns. If I could actually know what the market value of a dollar sign is right now, it would be helpful.

Of course, as soon as you had actually been shopping in a store and were able to match names with price ranges, that would probably become clearer, except for the fact that many bridal shops cut out the manufacturer's tag to keep you from going elsewhere to find a better price.

I wanted a glossary to explain terms, like differences in the kinds of satin, and what the actual fiber was--"satin" could be polyester, or silk, but rarely do dress descriptions distinguish between the two (hint I learned today: if it doesn't say, it's probably polyester).

And what's a sweep train? Chapel? Cathedral? And kinds of lace? These are not terms and fabrics most of us come into contact with on a daily basis (at least I don't) so any help in sorting these facts out would be a godsend. Off I went to find it.

Stop Two: David's Bridal is the web site for the megachain of retail stores. I was grateful to see that their "variables" were clearly defined. From what I have read, their prices are very affordable, but also judging from what I've read in one or two places, this retailer may be a place to avoid for anyone who has strong ethical concerns about fair labor practices. I looked for information myself, but didn't find anything first hand, nor do I necessarily believe the rumors I found.

Stop Three: A smaller-scale site I found that seemed truly useful is bridaltips.com. It was certainly the best site I found for straight talk and crucial information you need before you start shopping. The no-frills site has advertisements worked in fairly cleverly, but they weren't badly matched to content. The two writers aren't trying to sell you anything directly, not even their services --they do make recommendations that I wouldn't be surprised to learn they are compensated for on some level, but that doesn't bother me, as they make very clear why they are recommending a particular site or service, and those reasons are verifiable.

Stop Four: Various retail sites. One site which has deeply discounted dresses (with actual prices!) is weddingexpressions.com. But don't just limit yourself to middle-man sites. Once you know names of designers you like, you can also start looking for their individual sites to get a better feel for their entire collections.

bridalshowroom.com will link you to sites of several designers, whose sites certainly vary in terms of information and depth, but could be helpful to anyone looking for ideas.

Stop Five: TheWeddingChannel.com. This site was similar to theknot.com, though the price ranges were certainly more clear. I actually found two dresses that were silk for less than $500. And one of them was even close to my taste! The site offers a range of other services/planning guides/resources that could help you plan a wedding down to the last detail. Good luck, and happy hunting.